Later that day I looked back at that visit and thought, how nice it was for her to say that. Even when I couldn’t be of much of help on the phone, they appreciated me. The mere sense of my presence where they couldn’t even see or hear me gave them some comfort and confidence to get through one of  life’s major events.  I think that we sometimes don’t give enough credit to ourselves for how powerful we all are, and how much of a positive impact we are making to other people’s lives just by being there. If you happen to feel sad or discouraged, remind yourself that your showing up or even just a smile might have made someone’s day brighter today.  If someone made a difference in your life today, or you are the receiving end of someone’s kindness, why don’t you tell them know what it meant to you and how much you appreciated it? Trust me, it feels good to be appreciated!

Considering how the economy has been struggling the last few years, one might say that the movie hits too close to home and the storyline is depressing. However, one of the most memorable lines also came from one of those firing scenes. Ryan fired a guy with two children, and he got understandably upset – he stated that he is old and he can’t be a superstar in sports or anything like that. Ryan then said “But you can cook”, pointing out that he has gone to a culinary school by looking at his resume. Then he asked, “For how much money did you to give up your dream?” While I forget what the exact number was (probably mid-20K or low 30K),  I thought that was a very powerful question. My husband and I talked about this after the movie. I believe some people know themselves well enough that they know what they want to be when they grow up at an early age, but there are many who still do not know even in their 40’s to 50’s. I wondered how many people can answer that question like the guy did in the movie. Knowing how much your first job paid is one thing, but what about your dream? I believe that some people don’t even know what it was – or is.

In my case, I didn’t know what I wanted to do when I was 21. I tried to find jobs in my 4th year of college, without knowing what I really wanted to do with my life, and naturally  I didn’t find anyone who’d hire me. I believe that I was lucky that I didn’t find a job at that time, because that forced me to look at myself and ask some serious questions. In the end, I decided that I want to work for the United Nations and took the path to pursue that goal. Now, many years later, I am on to pursue my new dream, but it was because I learned back then that it’s up to me to decide what I want to do and do what I need to do to achieve it. I hope that many people will find that to be true for themselves. To assist anyone who needs support in pursuing their dreams, I’ll start a group where people come together and encourage each other in going for their dreams. Stay turned for more information!

He also talks about how personal branding is now a necessity for everyone – not just for entrepreneurs, but every single one of us, even if you are happily employed. He talks about how he utilized social media in building his personal brand, and how you need to be who you are – in his words, “let your DNA lead you”.  He writes; “You may not have connections, or an education, or wealth, but with enough passion and sweat, you can make anything happen”. The thing is, even if you quit your day job to do what you love, you might be putting the same or more amount of hours you did when you were employed, but if you truly feel passionate about it, it doesn’t feel like work. Your personal life and your professional life will be meshed into one, and you’ll be the brand.

While I really enjoyed my job at the Japanese school for the past 4 years, I felt that I could not express myself fully. I started writing a blog in May 2009, but I was still filtering myself on what I should and should not do or say while holding that position at the school, because people saw me as “Executive Director at Minato School”. I started teaching parenting class called “Redirecting Children’s Behavior(RCB)” on my day off, but I felt like I was still representing the school and it started feeling like a cage. My RCB instructor friends suggested that I should try to bring in this RCB courses to my school but I felt deeply conflicted in doing so, and that if I want to continue teaching this and to start reaching as many parents as I possibly can, I could not continue working there. It was a natural course of action for me to leave. Now that I have gained the freedom to be and express myself, I am ready to take massive action in expanding my network. I’m working on setting up RCB course to be offered near LA where there is a bigger Japanese population, and I’m in the process of creating tele-classes on parenting so people can call in to take my courses over the phone. Just like Gary describes in his book, I reluctantly go to bed at night, and excited to continue with where I left off the night before. I’ll also offer my course in English this year. Dear readers, thank you always for supporting me, and stay turned for my next move. I totally intend to crush it!

This left her puzzled. She had been working all her life so she can open her own dream restaurant – a dream that her father and she shared. Her father worked so hard for that but he never made it. There was a scene where she remembered her father telling her “Never lose a sight of what’s important”. As a young girl, she didn’t really understand what he meant. But towards the end of the movie, when she faced off with the voodoo doctor, who was creating the illusion of her dream restaurant in exchange of charm she had in her possession, she finally got it. She remembered how her father would come home and hug his wife and daughter, very happily. She said to the voodoo doctor “My father never got what he wanted. But he had what he needed!”. With that realization, Tiana defused the illusion and chose to stay as frog so she can be with frog prince whom she came to love during their journey.

Sometimes it is hard for even grown-ups to have a clear distinction between “wants” and “needs”. It is okay to want more in life. Generally speaking, there seems to be no harm in wanting more or something better. What parents would not want more & better for their children? But this is a reminder that we should not let “wanting more and better” prevent us from looking at what we have. When I look at my own life, I do have everything I need. I believe that knowing this does not diminish my desire to create something great and of value, or this does not mean that my hopes and dreams are not worth trying to achieve, but when I look at my husband and my two kids, hugging each other and telling each other “I love you”, I can’t help but smile. I already have everything I need, and I also have something I hope for. I am very grateful that I have both.

As you can imagine, attracting new members and retaining them is essential and membership committee is in charge of pulling that part. Actually, today was the first meeting I ever attended and it was quite interesting – the committee members are all very talented women, typically fast-spoken and with very good sense of humor. One hour went by so quickly and I felt happy that I was among such impressive group of women. Towards the end, one member shared her frustration when she tries to invite people to join the foundation, and encounters people’s unwillingness to give money. Even though they live in nice houses in La Jolla or Rancho Bernardo, some would still complain about lack of money while they have a barn for horses in their back yard. She seemed to be really irritated by that, and that got me thinking. Yes, you would think that people who have lots of money “should” give to those who don’t have as much. Why don’t they? But then, it is not our decision to make how their money should be spent. I felt that it is a little bit judgmental for us to say who should give more, how much or to what cause. I am almost certain that they must have really good reason not to give. One reason could be that they have had a bad experience in giving out money or they are tired of getting unsolicited requests constantly. Or, perhaps they were not as appreciated for their generosity as they had expected to be. Maybe they believed that giving out money to charity does not really help anyone as it creates dependency in the recipient. Or, maybe, they have never experienced the true impact of giving – what difference it can make in physical form, or in their hearts.

I think that it is just like anything; you get as much as you put in. I am sure there are many rich people who give plenty, as well as those who have never given any money to anything. This is my biased opinion about it; they don’t know what they are missing by not giving. So while their pockets might be filled with money, they might not be feeling as much fulfillment, love or joy compared to those who give (again, they will not know what they are missing!) John Assaraf always says “Money is not supposed to make you happy; it’s supposed to make you comfortable”.

So here is my “call for action”. If you felt compelled to experience how actually giving money to certain cause could make you feel, visit this site: http://www.charitywater.org/AONC/

It’s a cause that my role model Chris Guillebeau whom I respect and trust believes in. I’d appreciate it if you would consider giving whatever you can to this cause. As I wrote this, I donated $20 and I got this message on the screen saying “$20 can give one person clean water for 20 years”. How do I feel? What do you think? I just made a difference in one person’s life (or for 20 years). It feels pretty good.

(Dear English readers of my blog – this is a review on this book with the above title. This post is in Japanese only)

みなと学園を辞める前に、学校の図書室でこの本を見つけました。著者は齊藤孝で、「声に出して読みたい日本語」などを書いた人です。先日まで補習授業校で勤務し、たくさんのバイリンガル家庭のお子さんを見てきたこと、また私自身も二人の子どもを日本語と英語という環境で育てているため、子どもの日本語力を鍛えることには大変関心があり、タイトルに惹かれて手にとってみました。私自身は国語はずっと得意科目だったので、高校の現代文や入試に至るまで、あまり国語で苦労した覚えはなかったのですが、子どもに教えるとなると話は別です。この本を読んで、将来子どもが読解や感想文が苦手と感じたときに、どのように手助けをして教えたらいいのか少しわかったように思いました。

印象に残った部分として、第一章にこんな一節がありました。「反復練習を厭わなければたいていのことはできるようになる。反対に、見通しがなくて繰り返すというのは非常に苦しい。教師はその量質転化のライン（繰り返すうちにそれまで出来なかったことが出来るようになるポイント）がどこにあるのかを相手にわからせるということが重要」、そしてその例として、『スラムダンク』というバスケットボールマンガの中で、バスケ部の顧問の先生が初心者の主人公に「何回やればシュートが入るようになるのか」と聞かれて、「２万本」とはっきり数字を出したことが挙げられていました。本人にはなかなかわからないその量質転化のラインが、数字によって提示されることによって、ここまでやればできるようになるんだということが見えてきて、くじけそうな時にあきらめずに続ける糧になるということでしょう。

これは何も語学やスポーツに限ったことではないと思います。何かをやり始めても途中であきらめてしまうことが多い人は、このあたりに何か秘訣がありそうです。また、勉強にしても習いごとにしても、生徒に対してこの量質転化のラインをはっきり提示できるかどうかが、よい先生かどうかを見極めるポイントとも言えるかもしれませんね。

The movie conveyed and touched upon various subjects which I could relate to.  Family relationships, how one expresses love towards each other, how Anna had to stand up for herself – or so it seemed, and so on. If I had to pick just one scene which spoke  to me the loudest, it would be this; the scene where a Judge who is going to handle the court case started talking to Anna alone in judge’s chamber to try and determine if Anna was mature enough to understand what she is asking for.  It turns out that the judge’s daughter was killed by a drunk driver about 6 months ago. Anna saw a picture of her daughter at the side table, and casually asked the judge how she felt when her daughter died. The judge pondered the question for a while. When she finally opened her mouth to speak, only  tears started to roll down her cheek. When Anna realized the impact her question had upon the judge, Anna said “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything”, to which the judge responded, “Don’t be. There is no shame in dying”.

Sometimes people are afraid to talk about death or dead people. They are afraid that talking about it would bring up “bad feelings”. When we lost Miroku and eventually started sharing this with some of my friends, I remember one of them saying “I was afraid to say something wrong ”. But to me, there wasn’t really anything wrong anyone could have said to me if it came from a place of love and caring. I appreciated it when someone expressed their sympathy for me and what we’ve been going through. The quote “There is no shame in dying”  means to me that there is no shame in talking about it, crying or feeling sad by remembering the person you loved. Sadness is  just a reflection of  how deep your love was, and still is, to the one who passed away. About a month ago, I went to a meeting called “Families Helping Families”, where mothers who have lost their children gather together and support one another. One mother said that when she buys a cup of coffee at Starbucks and is asked her name, she would tell the name of her daughter who passed away, just so she could hear someone say her name when the coffee is ready. I realized that as time goes by, people move on and start forgetting them. This is one reason why some mothers keep coming back to the meetings, as they want to talk about their children, and share how much they meant to them. Talking about the loved one who is no longer with us is a sign of love and caring. I believe it is healthy to remember the loved one rather than try to forget or avoid bringing up the subject. Discussing the topic demonstrates your capacity to love and your ability to express your love. Even though this leaves you vulnerable, uncomfortable and tired at times, I would still choose expressing love rather than hiding from it.

今日で4年と2ヶ月勤めたみなと学園を退職しました。思えばあっという間の4年間でした。実は、みなと学園に勤めるまでは、子どもがいなかったこともあり、私はその存在すら知りませんでした。2005年の夏頃のことですが、私は定職についておらず、大学に戻って博士号でも取ろうかと考えてはいたものの、時間もお金もかかるし、そこまで投資する価値のあるような情熱をかける研究テーマもなかったことから、一歩踏み切れずにいました。そんな時、趣味のスウィングダンスを通じて知り合ったアメリカ人の友達がコーチングの仕事をしていることを知りました。彼女はハーバード出身の秀才で、コーチングの専門は大学・大学院入試のエッセーを書くことや、大学院生が論文を書く際のサポートをすることでした。そこで、博士課程への進学を決めかねていた私はコーチングを受けることにしたのです。実際にコーチングが始まると、自分のやりたいことが次第に明確になってきて、3回目のセッションで、勉強して新たに学位を取るよりも、教育関係の分野で仕事をしたいということがはっきりしました。

早速いくつかの人材派遣会社に履歴書を送り、その２・3日後のことです。電話が鳴り、教育関係で事務職のポジションがあると言われました。話を聞いてみると、みなと学園という土曜日だけの補習授業校がサンディエゴにあり、事務局長のポジションが空くということでした。大学院では行政学の分野で修士号を取得しており、そこで非営利団体の経営について学び、また国連での職務経験も積んだので、私にとってそのお話は今までの経験やスキルを生かすことができ、かつバイリンガルという環境で育つお子さんが集う教育の現場を観察できるまたとない機会でした。面接の日のことは今でもよく覚えています。

それから今まで、色々なことがありましたが、その間二人の子どもにも恵まれ、また自分がこれから一生をかけてやっていきたいことに出会うこともでき、本当に充実した4年間でした。あの時にコーチングを受けていなければ、やりたいことも目的も明確にならないままに博士課程を始めてしまい、時間もお金も浪費することになって後悔していたかもしれません。就職と同時にコーチングは終了しましたが、あのとき使った数百ドルはとても賢い投資だったと今でも思っています。

You can read all about what a vision board is and how it works, but if you have never created one, I highly recommend you try doing so at least once. It is even better if you do it with friends just like we did last night, as you can share your collection of magazines and also be inspired by other people’s vision board. Last night, we had one male participant, a chiropractor of Angie’s. When he walked in, he seemed a bit shocked to see that he was the only man (apart from Robbie, the chef) in the room full of women, but he was a good sport and enjoyed the food, wine and conversation all the same. By the end of the evening he took home his first ever vision board, looking proud and inspired.

I returned home around 10:30pm, exhausted but feeling accomplished, and I put it up on the wall right next to our bed. It’s the last thing I see when I go to sleep, and it’s the first thing I see when I wake up in the morning. It’s such a great reminder of what I want to focus on. It is an inspiration and gives me courage to get up and tackle another day. Actually, this year I couldn’t wait to start making a new vision board until yesterday, so I did 95% of mine on January 5th. But last night I got inspired and added a few more images; one of them was an image of a stack of books, because I have decided that I want to publish a book. I had never thought about doing that before, and at this point I have no idea how I am going to do it, but John Assaraf from the movie “Secret” (whom I have met in person and did a “breaking a board” exercise with) always says that “What” always comes before “How”. You have to decide what you want in your life first. If you really want something, you will figure out the way to do it. I look forward to my journey of figuring that out in the coming months.

People speak of such events and say “It changed my life”. I have said that too, but to be more precise, the event did not change my life. The event changed me, and as a result, my life is now developing in a way that I had not previously expected. It changed how I see things, think and feel, and how I expect my life to be from that point on. Generally speaking, when something big happens to you, especially unexpectedly, it is normal to be in shock because that is not something you are familiar with – and you have to learn how to deal with the new situation. By the time you are done dealing with it and come out from the other side, you are not the same person you were prior to the event. In some cases it is very obvious, and in other cases it is more subtle – but because of the experience, you are not exactly the same as you were before, in one way or another. Sometimes, this simple fact of life troubles people witnessing the change. When I was an AFS student and was about to go back home after spending a year in Germany, one of the counselors told me that there would be a “re-entry shock” upon returning to Japan, because people back home expected me to be the same person, but I have changed so much and was so different from what I’d used to be. My family and friends needed to spend some time getting to know this new person.

I believe I am currently in that place again where people around me need to get to know the “new me”, because of what happened to Miroku. My friend Carol mentioned in her comment to this blog post describing my personal tragedy that “you will never be completely the same again”. I believe I fully understand what she meant by that. Sometimes I find it hard to accept that I am not my “usual self”, I have not been the person I used to be since that day and I realize now that I may not be the same again, ever. Will people still love me when I am not the same person who didn’t know this pain and sorrow I have been feeling? You might say, well, true friends will. I suppose this is why people take vows when they marry…. So people know that you are supposed to follow your partner’s life-long journey during which he or she might change significantly. You are supposed to be there when your partner is going through changes, regardless whoever they will become. I am very fortunate that my husband is right there with me as I go through this grieving process. He might not always know exactly what I am feeling, but he is there. For some time, I pondered whether I should keep writing about Miroku in this blog, wondering if people would still want to read about it when I continue further down this path of self-discovery. In the end, I came to realize that Miroku and the whole experience have become a big part of me now, whether I like it or not. The only thing I can do now is to keep going, knowing that life is fragile. It’s like I need to keep playing my music even though one of the strings is missing. So, here it is. I would love for you to get to know this new me. I believe this is also a part of the process of accepting myself for who I am.